Aren’t you sick of people asking, cajoling, even beseeching you (it’s better than besmirching you) to donate to their charity? I’m not going to do that today. Amazon.com, the online bookseller turned video streaming company turned PROVIDER OF ALL THINGS, is willing to donate for you.

The program is called Amazon Smile. You tell Amazon where you want your money to go, and they will donate 0.5% of all your qualifying purchases to that charity. Allow me to clarify. They are not charging you an extra 0.5% and then donating it. They’re taking 0.5% off their profits from your purchase and giving it to the charity you designate. Why in the world would you not take that deal?

Mitch, how do I take that deal?

I’m glad you asked.

1. Turn on your computer, tablet, or cell phone. If you can’t find the ON button, ask a small child.

2. Go to your internet browser and type in the following website name: smile.amazon.com

3. Enter your email address and Amazon password. If you can’t remember those items then ask the NSA. They have it on file, for your convenience.

4. Select a charity. I might suggest organizations that have the words “multiple sclerosis” in their name.

5. Instead of shopping from Amazon.com in the future, shop from smile.Amazon.com, and donations will be made automatically to your designated charity.

0.5% of your annual purchases may not seem like a significant amount of money, but 0.5% of Amazon.com’s sales for a year is a hugely significant amount of money. Whether or not you are a fan of Amazon.com, they are trying to do a good thing here. Let’s hold them to it.

Tell them Mitch sent you, and you’ll qualify for a free lifetime subscription to my new blog entitled “How the Fuck Did I End Up On This Ride Anyway?”