MITCH STURGEON
Author and Blogger Living With MS
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If I had known when I was, say, 18, that I would be diagnosed with MS, and that I would be in a wheelchair, and that I would become a quadriplegic, what would I have done differently?
The most popular answer to questions like this is: “I wouldn’t have done anything differently.” Only liars or fools believe this. Plus, it’s not a very interesting response. Let’s do interesting instead.
Things I Would Have Done Differently, Had I Known
1. I would have purchased tons of long-term healthcare insurance, disability insurance, and life insurance.
Although this would be practical and truthful, it’s not very interesting. My apologies. Let’s try again.
1. I would have climbed mountains, jumped out of airplanes, and run marathons.
Much more interesting, but not very truthful. No, I never wanted to do those things. Let’s start over.
1. I would have made home modifications…
Dammit. Still not interesting. Maybe I need to look at it another way.
Yes, I would have done all sorts of practical things to prepare myself for what was coming. But what would I have changed about myself? How would I have prepared mentally, emotionally? Would I have become more compassionate toward the underprivileged? Would I have tapped into my creative side and started writing sooner? Would I have become more understanding, more empathetic, and less critical? Would I have begun living in the moment and worrying less about the past and the future? Would I have developed this inner peace that has descended upon me in recent years?
These are all transformations I experienced after I became disabled. I don’t believe, however, that any of these changes would have resulted merely from knowledge of what the future held. My newfound wisdom and tranquility could not have been hastened by a crystal ball. They had to be forged from everyday struggles.
So, other than a few logistical changes like insurance and house accessibility, if I had known when I was 18 what I know now, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Using my own words, does this make me a liar or a fool? Perhaps I need to rethink that.
The fact that I lived through these changes, rather than just knew about them, made me a more interesting and grounded writer and a better human being.
6 Replies to “If I Had Known Then What I Know Now”
Loved your book. It dealt with stuff that a lot of us have been thought to stifle. I, too, came from the Northern Maine region. We were taught early life can be tough. We were also taught to accept challenges and move on.
Claire, I’m so glad you loved the book. Kim also showed me your Facebook post. Thanks for your kind words.
mitch, Loved,loved your book. Knowing you mom and dad made it so much more real to me. Brian, who does not like to read, is also reading it. You are such an inspiration to others. Your mom was one of the kindest people i knew. I loved the fact that you was so open about you family life and that things were not perfect. We all are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Can’t wait for your next book!!!
Janet, the ultimate compliment is to have Brian read the book! Next book? We shall see…
Not at 18, but let’s say at 30: I would have spent some more time with my family and some less time on my work. I loved my work, and my kids say (now) that they never felt deprived (we traveled the world together) but, for my own selfish sake, I wish I had spent more time with them. However, now I get to spend any past deficit on my granddaughter … I’ve got all the time in the world to spend with her.
Ted, I hear you. That’s one of the reasons I changed jobs in my late 30s. So many people get caught up in their careers at the expense of their families. Now, waiting for that first grandchild…
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